


Lay Back

by Changdeol



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 12:03:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10437345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Changdeol/pseuds/Changdeol
Summary: Junmyeon might have given up on the world, but the world still hasn't given up on him.





	

‘Who is this? …You’re not my brother.’

That effectively prompts Sehun to step further into the cosy, albeit small, kitchen space. The man that has spoken is seated by the wide window, his armchair full of cushions meaning to accommodate him better.

‘I am not him. My name is Oh Sehun and I’m a close friend of Jongin’s.’ He replies and allows himself to approach the other even more, eventually stopping by the end of the thick, wooden table.

Jongin has spoken of his older brother, of course, once or twice perhaps, but mostly skilfully avoiding the topic, and Sehun has been under the impression that Kim Junmyeon is either an abominable bum who has no intention of helping his younger brother with the maintenance of their family farm, or that both have somehow fallen out and the sole thought of Junmyeon brings Jongin displeasure.

But Sehun has certainly not expected… this. He briefly wonders just how much he still doesn’t know about his friend’s life and circumstances. More than anything, he suddenly feels apologetic for not having supported him even more.

‘I seem to recognise your name.’ Junmyeon looks troubled, as if unable to quite grasp the memory, but the smile on his lips is soft as he adds. ‘Any friend of Jongin’s is more than welcome to our house.’ He makes a move to extend his hand, but retracts it shortly after. ‘I’d shake your hand but… well, it becomes embarrassing after a while.’

‘It’s really not.’ Sehun quickly reassures him and takes Junmyeon’s right palm into both of his, squeezing lightly in greeting. ‘It’s really nice to meet you.’

‘Please, take a seat. I’d like to offer you some tea, but you’re going to have to help me a bit.’ Junmyeon says good-naturedly.

‘Don’t worry. I might not know a lot about house work, but I am definitely capable of preparing a pot of tea.’ Sehun’s voice takes an almost joking tone and Junmyeon smiles wider. The younger narrowly avoids crushing into the tile chimney as the result of marvelling for a second too long at his beauty.

‘I know now. You were a schoolmate of Jongin’s, aren’t you? It’s very generous of you to still keep in touch with him.’ Junmyeon finally comments after a moment of silence, the only accompaniment being the simmering of the old pot on the stove.

Sehun shrugs, embarrassed, but quickly remembers that gestures won’t do.

‘If you knew just how many times Jongin has saved me from trouble, you’d think that he is the generous one.’

‘He spoke highly of you. Not recently, though, so I just assumed… well…’ Junmyeon falls silent, not really knowing how to finish his sentence without offending anyone. Sehun sees that he is of a very gentle nature.

‘Yes, I may have more money than Jongin, but I definitely have less sense, so I guess we match perfectly.’ He is glad to see that he has managed to make his friend’s older brother laugh. It’s a sound that melts his heart. ‘Jongin is one stubborn soul, I’m sure you know that better than anyone, but I refuse to let him shut me out just because he doesn’t want to bother me or is embarrassed. The real embarrassment is a man who values his pride more than his family and friends.’

Junmyeon hears him walk towards the stove and pour the hot water into a ceramic pot. The jingle of cups and spoons soon follows.

Sehun takes place on Junmyeon’s left hand-side and having filled the cups, carefully guides Junmyeon’s hands towards one of them. He has noticed before that the older has exceptionally soft skin.

‘Has… Jongin ever mentioned me?’ Sehun observes as Junmyeon’s fingers trace the table until they are met with the little sugar bowl standing by the side. He opens it and deeps the spoon in the tiny crystals, before lightly grazing the amount taken with the thumb of the same hand for measure and depositing it in his cup.

Sehun has a feeling that the action has already become a ritual to Junmyeon.

‘He has but-‘ He hesitates.

‘He never mentioned that I can’t see, did he?’ Junmyeon prompts calmly. Sehun can’t detect a trace of embarrassment or sadness in his voice, which he thinks of as positive.

‘He generally avoids the topic of his family altogether, so I have to confess that I was under the impression you, for some reason, were not in a position to help him. Perhaps a brotherly row or something of that sort.’

‘That certainly would be better than having to witness my own younger brother work himself to the bone and not being able to help him in any way.’ Again, Junmyeon betrays no emotions of grief or bitterness. The neutrality of his tone makes Sehun think that Junmyeon has simply become tired of being depressed.

‘I don’t think Jongin would ever think of you as a burden.’ Sehun reassures and Junmyeon smiles lightly.

‘I know he doesn’t. I just wish there was something that I could do for him. He keeps me away from the books, but I wasn’t born yesterday. I know that since the fire, the farm has brought nothing but loss. Jongin’s just too stubborn to face the truth. In a way, you are right – I am in no position to help Jongin, not even with advice. He listens to no one.’

‘I’ve been lending him money.’ Sehun says after a moment of stirring his tea absentmindedly. He has decided that Junmyeon has the right to know if he doesn’t already.

‘That doesn’t surprise me. The farm has stayed afloat for too long without any profit for me not to notice. It’s a relief that Jongin hasn’t turned to loan sharks in his desperation.’ The other muses, nodding. ‘How much do we owe you?’

‘That’s not the problem.’ Sehun dismisses the question. The mixture of unease and slight despair comes to mar Junmyeon’s otherwise angelic face, and Sehun feels panic overcoming him. All he thinks about is that he should keep Junmyeon away from worries as much as he can.

‘Then what is?’ Junmyeon asks somberly and Sehun sighs.

‘Jongin is. I’ve advised him many times to sell the remaining land to the developers – after the fire, there is simply no way of making the ground fertile, certainly not for another ten to twenty years. I’ve asked him to come work for me, but he’s so stub-‘

‘Oh Sehun!’

Sehun turns to the door to see Kim Jongin in his overcoat, fuming mad. Junmyeon also rises from his chair and Sehun faces him again, instinctively putting a hand of the other’s shoulder to reassure him. Only now does he realise that Junmyeon is actually much shorter than he is. Based on Jongin’s impressive height, Sehun just naturally assumed that his older brother would stand at least equally tall.

Junmyeon’s lips are parted, his unfocused eyes looking for the source of ruckus.

‘Oh Sehun.’ Jongin repeats quieter this time, but no less angry. ‘Let’s talk outside.’ To Junmyeon, he says: ‘I’m home, hyung. I’ll be just a moment and I’ll start on dinner, I promise.’ Then he leaves again.

Junmyeon says nothing, still standing there hopelessly. Sehun squeezes his arm in consolation.

‘Jongin is probably embarrassed that I told you things you weren’t supposed to know. He’ll get over it.’

He reluctantly turns to leave, but Junmyeon’s hand stops him. The slight pink tint of his cheeks does not escape Sehun, as the older says hastily:

‘You are welcome anytime you want to visit… even when Jongin is not here. I just- I meet people so rarely – the elderly neighbour sometimes stops by, or the nurse – but it’s getting so lonely sometimes that even if it’s just pity, I would love to have you again.’

Sehun looks into the handsome face that cast a spell on him within minutes.

‘I will come soon, hyung, and it definitely won’t be out of pity.’

 

 

 

 

 

‘What was that?’ Jongin hisses as soon as Sehun emerges from the bulling.

‘I came to find you, but you weren’t here so your brother offered me some tea and company while I waited.’

‘You know that’s not at all what I’m talking about. It’s you, blubbering to my hyung about the farm and your proposal. Which I’m not going to take. I don’t want him knowing all that.’

‘Junmyeon is not a child, nor is he stupid. He can sense more from what you’re not telling him than from what you are.’ Sehun argues and Jongin sighs, visibly deflating in posture.

‘I never treated him as such. It’s just that… When we lost our parents in the fire, I feel like a part of him died in there as well. He’d always been so energetic, he majored in literature in college. He used to teach in a local grammar school but when he lost his sight in that fire… it’s never been the same, and not just for obvious reasons. He had been depressed, wouldn’t speak to me for days… blaming himself for all that happened.’

Sehun’s heart breaks a little at the revelation.

‘Right now… is as good as it will probably get. He’s subdued but he doesn’t seem to be as sad. I don’t want him to worry about things that he cannot do anything about, like the farm. I just want him to be comfortable.’

‘Both of you are in denial. You pretend that nothing is wrong, and he puts a brave face for you to see. What you don’t tell him, makes him even more anxious.’ Sehun puts both arms on Jongin’s shoulders and shakes him a little. ‘Don’t you see that moving to the city would be so much more advantageous? All the more now, when I know it’s not just you that we are talking about here. The loss of your parents and home is unfortunate, but you can’t possibly care for the dead more than for the living… your brother needs you, you said it yourself.’

‘I just… this has been our home for as long as I remember. I feel that by selling the land, I’ll let everyone down. My brother doesn’t want to leave, I’m sure.’ Jongin sounds more and more resigned.

‘This house is not what it used to be, Jongin. You barely keep it together here, half of the building is gone. Once the winter comes, it’s going to be really hard for you to survive while taking care of your brother. And the last thing that your brother wants to see is you fighting the windmills. It’s good to be proud but you need to know when to step down, you know. I’m not offering help to humiliate you.’

By the time Sehun finishes, he sounds hurt and Jongin sends him an apologetic look.

‘It’s not about that at all. It’s… hard to let go. If I leave this place, it will feel as if I am forgetting my roots, my parents. Give me a few more days, please. I’ll need to talk this over with hyung.’

‘Take as much time as you need.’ Sehun reassures and with one last look towards the house, he drives away.

 

 

 

 

 

He stops by two days later. He tells himself that it’s to look for his friend, to inquire about his final decision, but deep inside he knows that Jongin is out, attending his evening school, like he does every Wednesday. And Sehun is really there… to see Junmyeon again.

The angelic face has stayed on my mind for the whole of the time that the young entrepreneur was away and he would lie if he said that he wasn’t eager to return. Even if Junmyeon’s flustered invitation was fuelled by nothing but loneliness, Sehun is more than willing to take what he can get.

The house that he now stands in front of is a ruin, anyone would admit that. It’s been partially rebuilt after the incident, barely enough for two men to live in it again. Sehun knows for a fact that staying in the city would give Jongin a cosy two bed room apartment, much better equipped and insulated in winter time. Sehun doesn’t want his friend living in the present conditions.

He can’t stand the thought of Junmyeon staying here, cold and alone.

He knocks curtly, before letting himself in. Junmyeon is in his usual place, a book on his lap and his fingertips tracing the dots punched in pages. His clothing is simple, just a green sweater and some trousers, his brows furrowed in concentration. The sun is almost setting, but that of course doesn’t bother Junmyeon, whose silhouette is still visible, bent over the book.

Sehun’s heart stops for a moment.

‘Sehun, is that you?’ Junmyeon asks without raising his head and Sehun is pulled out of his thoughts, surprised.

‘How did you-‘

‘I remember your step. It’s quiet but decisive.’

‘You remember my step?’ Sehun sounds astonished, turning on the light and taking the seat next to the older.

‘I do. When you lose one sense, I guess your other ones sharpen.’ Junmyeon chuckles softly. ‘That, and I don’t really meet a lot of people. It’s easy to remember the visitors.’

‘I see.’ Sehun only comments and puts the basket he has brought on the table.

‘You don’t speak much, do you?’’ Junmyeon chuckles again, putting away the book. Sehun smiles sheepishly.

‘I’m not much of a charmer, I’m afraid.’ Before the older can comment on the observation, he changes the topic. ‘What are you reading?’

‘It’s _The Overcoat_ by Gogol. It’s one of my favourites. I’ve read it more than a few times already, but it never fails to grip me. It’s such an amazing metaphor for an everyman struggling with circumstances.’

‘Jongin mentioned that you were a literature major, so I took the liberty of purchasing some books for you, but now I’m a little embarrassed. I merely took what looked interesting, but you must have read them all already… I never harboured much interest in reading. Now I wish I had.’

‘Let me see.’ Junmyeon dismisses his remark lightly.

Sehun waits patiently as Junmyeon traces his fingertips over the dots printed on the spine of the volume and familiarises himself with the content summarised at the back.

‘I’ve never even heard of some of them. Thank you.’ He says sincerely. Sehun rubs the back of his neck flustered, but he can’t say he doesn’t feel good.

‘It’s nothing ambitious, but…’

‘It’s perfect. I rarely have money or opportunities to buy new books. Those written in Braille are especially hard to come by. Thank you, really.’

‘I also brought something for us to eat.’ Sehun clears his throat. He’s not used to being praised for something he considers so insignificant.

‘Jongin won’t be home until late today, though…’ Junmyeon looks troubled and Sehun shrugs.

‘That’s ok. We can start without him.’ Junmyeon seems to hesitate for a moment before breaking into a smile.

‘I’m glad that Jongin has a friend like you, Sehun. And I’m glad that I could meet you, too.’

‘I hope that we can also spend more time together.’ Junmyeon says nothing, but his cheeks redden.

‘You’re always welcome to visit.’ He finally whispers.

They make small talk, filling each other in on basic information and their personal tastes and views on things. It’s about half an hour into the visit that Sehun mentions Jongin again.

‘Has he talked to you about my offer yet?’ He asks as he serves Junmyeon his coffee. The younger’s hand lingers a little too long on Junmyeon’s, guiding it to the cup’s little ear, and relishing in its softness. The older says nothing for a while, deep in thought.

‘He has. He has, but… I find that I can’t pressure him into anything. He’s never cried in front of me before, not even when… it’s just hard to try and persuade him to do something that I myself am not so sure of. I know that I hate to see him working two jobs and study in the evenings. He’s always tired and he’s only 24. I want him to enjoy his life a little, not be stuck here with me because he thinks that he has to…’

‘I’m sure that if Jongin could, he would spend all his time with you. He really looks up to you.’ Sehun sighs. ‘But I agree that Jongin cannot go on like this for much longer. It would be best for both of you if you moved as soon as possible. Jongin can take up the job I’ve kept for him and finish his school in peace. You would be much more comfortable as well.’

‘I’m scared.’ Junmyeon confesses. ‘A part of me is afraid that once Jongin has been sucked into the city life, I will be left all alone. In my condition… being alone in an unfamiliar place is really terrifying, Sehun. I know that as a grown man, I sound ridiculous, but…’

‘Jongin would never do that. And your reaction is completely natural. There are many things to do and people that you can meet in the city, you know. If Jongin for this or that reason cannot, I’ll be there for you. I’ll take care of you, hyung, so let’s just persuade Jongin, shall we? For his sake.’

For the first time in his life, Sehun feels truly terrible. Not that Jongin’s transfer to the city wouldn’t benefit them all, but right now, Sehun feels that it would indeed benefit him, Sehun, the most. He would be able to once again keep his friend close, and Junmyeon… probably even closer.

Jongin comes back around nine pm and doesn’t know what is more surprising – to see Sehun at his kitchen table, or to hear his older brother read out loud like he used to way back before their tragedy. He’s tried to persuade him to take up that habit again, but the older always dismissed him with a pained smile.  Whatever Sehun said this time might have had more of an effect on Junmyeon.

Sehun turns to him with a brief smile, before directing his eyes back to the older male. It’s Jongin’s cue not to interrupt.

He simply sits down next to the chimney, still in his jacket but slowly removing his scarf, and listens to Junmyeon’s clear voice. He doesn’t recognise the book, but doesn’t object to anything. He sits there for the next ten minutes, listening to the story of a young cosmonaut recounting an unbelievable story of a whale that he has encountered in space, before the chapter finishes and Junmyeon puts away the novel.

‘You needn’t have been so quiet, Jongin. You used to always interrupt me when we were children, remember? You always questioned everything, from  the words used to the happenings in the story. Always so impatient to know the ending, you sometimes made me skip several pages just to get to the _good part_.’ Junmyeon laughs at the memory and Jongin chuckles as well. It’s been a long time since he saw his hyung’s wide smile.

Sehun only observes Junmyeon with a hardly concealed admiration.

‘I-I’ve given it some thought and we should move to the city. What do you say, hyung?’ Jongin changes the topic at the lull in their conversation. Junmyeon sighs, but it’s not a disappointed sound. Quite on the contrary.

‘I’ll miss this place, but I want you to have different opportunities, Jongin. You know that you wouldn’t have stayed here anyway with our father taking care of the farm. You’d studied so hard for that scholarship in the city and when you dropped out, my heart was really breaking. You have no idea how proud of you our father was. He’d go on and on about his son studying in the capital, first from the village to get out of here… You know that he would want this for you.’

‘It’s not like you didn’t study too, hyung…’ Jongin responds slightly embarrassed, mostly because Sehun is still sitting there, listening to their conversation.

‘It was just a local college.’ Junmyeon dismisses. ‘My point is, you shouldn’t waste this opportunity. And you know that the farm is gone, Jongin. No matter how much you work on it, it’s just never going to be the same. Let’s just preserve our memories while we can and remember it how it was, with our father sitting in the corner of the living room, with our mother’s laughter… I don’t want this house to become a place of your grief and misery.’

 

 

 

 

 

They move in the next three weeks. Jongin takes his truck and drives there and back, moving what little they have a few pieces at the time. The new flat that Sehun has helped them find has two bedrooms and a small living room, with a bathroom closer to Junmyeon’s room and a kitchen right at the entrance to the apartment.

Jongin seems surprised that it comes with a lot of things in it already, and Sehun doesn’t tell him that most of them he’s purchased himself. And anyway, he didn’t do it for Jongin. What other things he wants to get for Junmyeon and cannot get away with without Jongin knowing, he waves away with _You’ll pay me back later_ , knowing full well that Jongin will never argue with his brother’s commodity and that Sehun can easily make him forget about the money that Jongin _owes_ him.

Two days before they are supposed to get the key to the flat, it becomes too cold and uncomfortable for the two to stay in their old house and Sehun, who visits – mostly Junmyeon – everyday, extends his hospitality and both brothers reluctantly accept. Both feel the debt towards Sehun hanging heavily, even though he certainly is a close friend, and he wants to hear nothing of it. The land and the truck have been quickly sold - the land for a good price due to its location, and the old truck for parts because of its impracticality in the city. There is nothing left for them to do. Junmyeon takes down the cross that was his mother’s and has always hung above the stove, and Jongin casts one last look at the surroundings. They are all set to leave.

Whether they are willing remains up for debate.

 

 

It’s late, Junmyeon can just tell, even without touching the arms of his wrist watch, but there is no way he can sleep tonight. Not in an unfamiliar house so far away from home. Or from what used to be home.

Junmyeon had only travelled twice before – once in place of his father to sign the petition to the governor, and once with Jongin to see the doctor after his accident. Capital was as foreign to him as the next thing. Especially now, when it was impossible to truly get to know the place. Not in his state.

Sehun has been sitting in his living room, looking through the plans for the meeting that he is to be in charge of the next day, when he hears steps on the corridor. On the contrary to his social status, his flat is rather small, with two bedrooms, a living room and an office facing the west side. He has put Junmyeon in the guest room and offered his own bedroom to Jongin, the idea that the latter vehemently rejected. After a bit of struggle, Jongin agreed to sleep on the couch in the office, which explained how the stacks of papers have found their way from his desk to the dining table and floor in the living room.

He looks up, somewhat surprised at seeing Junmyeon slowly making his way towards him. The older’s hand delicately touches the wall as he walks, careful not to bump into anything.

‘Hyung? Is there something that you need?’ Sehun stands up and approaches the threshold, giving the other man space, but watching over his every move. Junmyeon must have either heard him, or expected him there, because he shows no indication of astonishment.

‘I-I… No, not really. I couldn’t sleep and just needed to get out of the room.’ He eventually admits. If Junmyeon could see, he would notice that Sehun’s expression turned embarrassed.

‘I’ve lived alone for quite a while, so I don’t really know how to properly entertain guests. I apologise for the room not being comfortable enough.’

‘Oh, no! It’s nothing like that.’ Junmyeon assures him quickly, anxious not to be misunderstood. ‘It’s just the opposite. Everything from the mattress to the bedding is soft and nice. Back home, my bed had that weird spring sticking out and… and…’ Junmyeon falls silent, looking sad and regretful. It is clear to Sehun that the older would take his old broken bed anytime over the new commodities he’s been provided.

Sehun gently helps the other to the couch.

‘I know you miss the farm. Both of you. Believe me, Jongin is no less nervous about what lies ahead. Maybe even twice as much, because he feels responsible for you.’

Junmyeon sighs at that.

‘It’s silly. _I_ feel silly. I’m an adult and I should be taking care of Jongin. Or at least provide him with some sort of moral support. The truth is that he is much more open to new experiences than I am. He’s lived here in the capital for some time before, he’s met different people. Me? My village is all I know. I’m just embarrassed, more than anything. It’s really silly.’

‘It’s not silly and you have no reason to be embarrassed. The fact that you weren’t given the same opportunities as Jongin – or any other person, for that matter - doesn’t make you any less admirable. Whenever I look at you, hyung, all I see is smart and kind.’ Junmyeon’s cheeks are quickly becoming pink from the praise and Sehun has been never really good with speaking his mind, so he clears his throat and changes the topic. ‘I have something that may help you relax.’

After a moment, he returns with a pair of big headphones and his music player. The headphones placed over his ears startle Junmyeon a little bit, his hands reluctantly touching the equipment and adjusting it to sit better. Sehun plays the song that he really likes – it is a rock ballad that with the right amount of wine usually puts him to a dreamless sleep.

Not even ten seconds passes when Junmyeon abruptly removes the headset, surprising the younger.

‘I’m sorry, I can’t.’ The older looks so distraught that Sehun’s frown deepens. Sensing the unspoken demand for explanation, Junmyeon reluctantly continues. ‘I’m sorry, Sehun. I know that all you try to do is help me, but there are some things about me that perhaps you will never be able to understand. Listening to music like this… I’m just scared. I know that I should be comfortable in here, but I still can’t help myself. Ears are my only real connection to the outside world. If I can’t hear what’s going on around me, I don’t feel safe. I am always reminded of- of that time I was found in the fire. I couldn’t see a thing and I was frantic with panic, the terrifying ringing in my ears, foreign hands all over me, trying to help me up… It’s just not something that I can forget so easily.’

Sehun knows that by the time Junmyeon finishes talking, the older is willing away the tears, his throat all contracted. He thinks about what he heard for a while, carefully choosing his next words.

‘You’re right in that I probably can’t imagine what you went through, but I also refuse to let you stay the way that you are. You’re strong, hyung,  you’re stronger than you imagine yourself to be. And you have time to open up. You can take it step by step, try things out until you are comfortable with them. I would never force you to do anything you don’t want to do, but I can just tell that you are not happy the way you are. The first step is to admit to your fears – the second, to face them. You can change what you don’t like about yourself, hyung.’

‘I don’t know how.’ Junmyeon admits in a whisper, having considered Sehun’s words carefully. The younger smiles and picks up the headphones again.

‘Well, for one, let’s teach you how to enjoy music. We’ve established that you’re uneasy when the volume is too loud and you can’t feel anyone’s presence. Instead of rejecting the experience all together, let’s think of how we can adjust it to your needs. For example,’ he presses the volume button several times ‘we can lower the volume so you can still hear noises from the outside. Once you have your headphones on-’ he firmly places the equipment back on the older’s head ‘take my hand. I’ll keep you grounded while you are detached from your surroundings.’

Junmyeon soon finds that it’s not as bad as he thought. By the time the song finishes, he has even somewhat relaxed. Sehun changes the track and lets Junmyeon familiarise himself with something else. The younger has given up trying to read his papers, and instead, he leans against the back of the couch and simply looks at the face that he’s come to adore in such a short time. He hopes that the older doesn’t feel his stare, because honestly, Sehun cannot look away. Junmyeon’s façade is so expressive, that Sehun can tell exactly which part of the melody he is listening to at any moment.

When Jongin gets up around 6 in the morning, used to waking up early, he finds both men on the coach asleep, still holding hands.

 

 

 

 

 

Just as Jongin gets busier with his new responsibilities, Sehun completely drifts away from his own. He’s lucky that he’s always been quite easy going and decisive, because otherwise he would have collapsed under pressure of things that he is supposed to but is not doing.

But he manages to make everyone happy and not to compromise his efficiency or authority so he doesn’t really feel guilty. He can instead focus on helping Junmyeon cope with his new reality.

After three weeks of staying in his and Jongin’s new flat, Junmyeon lets himself be talked into going out. He has reservations against going to the centre for the visually impaired, because he fears awkwardness and humiliation, but both Jongin and Sehun insist that he does. _It’ll be good for you, hyung_ , Jongin reasons the night before. _You can meet people in your situation and learn from them, you know. I can help you in anything you want, but you need to become more independent, too, and I am simply not knowledgeable enough to facilitate you that._

The three of them arrive at the institution one Saturday morning and are greeted by a decent crowd dispersed among various tables with food, hand crafts and board games.

They soon have a young male coordinator approach them, their confusion too visible to miss.

‘I’m Do Kyungsoo, a volunteer at the centre. Can I help you?’ Junmyeon frowns at the stutter that suddenly overtakes his eloquent younger brother, as the latter introduces himself.

‘I’m Junmyeon.’ He merely says, still not really sure that he will fit into this place.

‘It’s really nice to meet you. How about I give you a tour and tell you more about our facility?’ Junmyeon agrees. He feels observed from all sides, which is ridiculous, to say the least, since half of the present cannot even see him. That’s why he is more than grateful when Sehun offers his hand to hold.

‘You better watch out for this Do Kyungsoo.’ Sehun snickers into his ear. Junmyeon frowns again, expression curious. ‘Jongin is jumping up and down, trying to impress him. It’s both cute and embarrassing.’

‘You mean…’ Junmyeon becomes speechless. Sehun only laughs quietly.

‘Something to tease him about later, in case you need advantage.’ That makes Junmyeon laugh as well.

‘Come here, guys. What are you laughing about?’ Jongin calls out to them. He and Kyungsoo have reached their destination a bit quicker, waiting for the other pair down the corridor and chatting in the meantime.

‘A lot of our patients come here alone, which is always more difficult. It’s really fortunate that your brothers take good care of you, Junmyeon.’ Kyungsoo remarks warmly.

‘I’m not his brother.’ Sehun corrects, not offering any other explanation. He is still firmly holding on to Junmyeon’s palm. Kyungsoo seems to catch the sight because he quickly apologises.

‘Oh, of course.’ He clears his throat. ‘Anyway, let’s meet some other regulars if you’re ready? Most of our adult visitors gather here, to have tea and simply talk, although you are more than invited to take part in all the other activities that we have here. We also offer free vocational courses if you’re interested.’

Kyungsoo takes initiative to lead Junmyeon in first and Jongin shoots Sehun a strange look before entering the room himself. Sehun shrugs and follows his friend in.

It’s not long before a young man approaches them. Junmyeon can hear his cane beat out the rhythm against the tiles on the floor. Jongin and Sehun cannot hide their surprise when the newcomer is able to immediately locate Junmyeon among them. Junmyeon himself is a bit taken aback, despite having learnt a thing or two about his other senses over the past months. He lets the other man, _my name is Yixing, you’re going to love it here_ , take him away to one of the tables. Yixing is an energetic person with a clear sense of purpose and clearly knows his way around the space, for he steps confidently and without hesitation.

At first, Jongin and Sehun are content sitting there and observing Junmyeon from afar, although it does feel a little ridiculous, because it’s not a zoo, and the older is not a monkey performing a trick for the first time. But Jongin feels responsible and somewhat proud when he notices that his hyung lets others touch his face and that he had been eased into the general conversation going on without any significant trouble.

‘Your brother will fit in just fine.’ Kyungsoo comments warmly. ‘Everyone’s start is difficult. When they embrace their limitations, that’s when they really discover all the possibilities.’

He parts ways with the two friends soon after, having to return to his post in the other room. Jongin and Sehun remain in the corner, seated in a comfortable silence, but every now and then, Jongin’s eyes drift away to the door and Sehun snickers after some time.

‘Just go. I’ll take Junmyeon home.’ Jongin immediately turns to face his friend, looking embarrassed but offended.

‘No way. It’s the first day in ages when I can be here for my brother. I won’t be chasing some guy I met half an hour ago.’

‘One,’ Sehun sticks his index finger out ‘we’ve been doing nothing but sitting here. Junmyeon doesn’t need you, he’s a big boy. One of us is enough to take him back home when he wants to go. And two, don’t even pretend like you haven’t already imagined making babies with the shorty. I am not your best friend for nothing.’

‘You’re gross, Oh Sehun.’

‘I love you, too.’ Sehun laughs. ‘Now get lost. I’ll take it from here.’

Jongin makes a move like he wants to get up, but ends up sitting back down, heavily.

‘Sehun, you… do we need to have that awkward talk? The one that I hoped I would never have to have with you?’

Sehun regards him for a few moments, before turning back to watch Junmyeon smile at his companion.

‘Let your brother live, Jongin, and learn to accept his choices, whatever they might be. You’re his younger brother, not his keeper. Now scoot.’

 

 

 

 

 

‘I’ve just realised that you don’t really know what I look like.’ Sehun says to Junmyeon. The older stills, but eventually puts away his book to give him his full attention.

It’s actually been a lazy afternoon, even if it didn’t feel like one. Sehun has spent it initially bent over his documents until sheer boredom made him look up to Junmyeon, seated opposite him. They are in a small café minutes away from their apartment building. Junmyeon is still uncomfortable going out, but Sehun insists that he need to learn about his surroundings and be around people more.

He doesn’t mention that he mainly means himself.

So far he’s been quite successful in persuading the older to attend the Centre and it occurs to him that Junmyeon doesn’t protest nearly as much as he did in the past. Those last few weeks did change him a little.

‘Does it matter?’ Junmyeon quirks his eyebrow in a rare expression of playfulness.

‘Well, I don’t know. Not really. But you know that thing in films where visually impaired people ask to touch faces of people when they first meet. You’ve never asked me to lend you my face, but I’ve seen you do that to people in the centre multiple times.’

Junmyeon chuckles.

‘First of all, it’s just films, as you said. Secondly, I am not really comfortable touching faces of strangers, and I’ve done it only because that’s the practice they teach at the centre. I never asked to do it. And most importantly, it doesn’t really matter to me what you look like.’

‘But still…’ Sehun trails away. Junmyeon sighs.

‘I am already used to the fact that I can’t see. What I’m still working on accepting is the fact that I am beginning to forget faces of those that I have known before my accident. Sometimes I lie awake at night, desperately grasping for the last threads that I have left of Jongin’s image. I know what he looks like, yet I don’t. Not anymore. He has become a voice to me.’

Sehun frowns, upset that he has caused this awkward shift in the mood. He clears his throat.

‘I still think I should be more than a voice in your head.’ He points out, sounding somewhat childishly and that does the trick. Junmyeon laughs.

‘Oh yeah? How about you describe yourself to me, then.’ He challenges.

‘I… I have a small face, big round eyes and straight nose. My lips are thin and my chin is somewhat pointy.’ Junmyeon makes an acknowledging hum, before replying:

‘Then you must be really beautiful.’ His lips stretch is a joking smile. Sehun scoffs when he notices that the older doesn’t take him seriously at all.

‘I lied. Actually, I’m pretty short, my eyes are small and my lips are full. And I have horribly big feet.’

‘That sounds even more appealing.’

‘You’re mocking me. You’re not even trying to imagine what I might look like.’ Junmyeon’s hand searches for Sehun’s on the table and eventually squeezes it, seeking attention and attempting to bring comfort.

‘I’m not joking. Not at all – I just see what is really important to see. It has honestly never once crossed my mind to ask for your description. I already know what I think of you, and no amount of your handsomeness or ugliness can change my mind about that.’

‘Don’t give me that pep talk about the beauty inside, hyung, because I’ve never pegged you as a sentimental type. I’m suffering because my head is too big for my body. Seriously, you’re lucky you don’t have to look at me – my big head and big feet take up most of the space in this tiny coffee shop.’

Sehun keeps talking and talking, playfully depreciating himself because Junmyeon’s beautiful fit of laughter that follows more than makes up for the slight humiliation. Sehun has never suspected himself to be a funny person, but Junmyeon easily laughs at whatever the younger is saying and the latter knows that is all he really wants. To keep listening to that laughter.

‘It’s more about realising what’s important, Sehun.’ He says warmly, when he finally collects himself. ‘When you stop judging people based on things that don’t matter in order to give their character and actions a chance. You don’t have to be blind to do that, you know.’

 

 

 

 

‘Jongin, bring me my red Tolstoy book, would you? It’s on the top shelf in my bedroom.’

In the past few days, such innocent requests have spurred a sort of competitiveness between Jongin and Sehun. This time is no different – both man stand up and feigning innocence, direct themselves to Junmyeon’s bedroom.

Jongin gets there first.

'Red book... red book...' The young man mumbles as he scans the shelf in search of what his brother has asked of him, but he immediately regrets his haste.   
  
It's been some time since they moved from their old house in the countryside and clearly, Junmyeon's book collection has expanded when his younger brother wasn't looking; and Sehun was undoubtedly behind it. Instead of one red volume that used to easily stand out on the otherwise grey shelf, there are now 5 different covers coloured in various shades of red and even knowing the title, the younger has no idea how to identify it. The spines are adorned with punched dots which Jongin has sadly never bothered to spare any time for. Shame creeps into his bones.  
  
'Do you know which one it is?' He eventually turns to Sehun, whom he spots stop at the door from the corner of his eye. To his defence, Sehun has given Jongin the space to deal with the problem on his own, patiently waiting for his friend to pick up the desired title, which he clearly fails to do. The businessman leans away from the door frame and having taken the appropriate book off the stand, hands it to Jongin with a small smile, albeit not a condescending one.  
  
'You read Braille?' The younger Kim probably shouldn't be surprised considering how much time Sehun has been spending with Junmyeon these days, but more than with his friend, Jongin seems to be angry with himself and how much he has neglected his hyung.  
  
'I have been studying.' Sehun hedges.   
  
'You mean, you've been studying for hyung.' Jongin corrects, still looking at him with suspicion. The younger Kim cannot explain the sudden feeling of being wronged and defensive, and projecting in onto his friend seems like the easy way out.   
  
'So what if I have? Is it bad? It certainly facilitates everyone's life.' Sehun mumbles evasively yet again and heads for the door, but his friend's hand stops him on his tracks.  
  
'Sehun, I don't want to you mess with my brother.' Jongin  says sternly. 'I don't know what you want from him, but he probably can't give it to you. Once you get bored and lose patience, you'll leave, but he’ll still be here, regretting that he ever trusted you in the first place.'  
  
'Have you ever seen me messing with anyone?' Sehun replies, becoming irritated. 'And for your information, there is nothing to be bored with. Junmyeon is an extremely interesting and thoughtful person.'  
  
'I know that! I just don't think that he has anything to offer to a person like you.' Sehun freezes at the words. He slowly turns around to face his friend of many years.  
  
'Ouch.'   
  
'That's not what I meant.' Jongin immediately corrects, looking visibly conflicted.  
  
'Then what do you mean? What kind of person am I? Where are these words coming from so suddenly?' Sehun sighs, shoulders slumping. He’s trying not to let anger get to him. 'I get it, you feel protective of your brother, but I have never given you any reason to doubt me in the years that I've been your friend. So what's the problem now?'  
  
'I don't like how close you are with Junmyeon hyung.' The younger Kim finally concludes, not meeting Sehun's gaze.   
  
'Really? Because I get an impression that it's not just me that you're so scared of. It's anyone who would get close to him.'  
  
'I don't want him to get hurt.' Sehun scoffs at the words.  
  
'Get over yourself,  Jongin. Even if I had any intention of hurting him, which I don't, Junmyeon is an adult. He can take of himself. It's not your job to interfere with his life. The only thing that you can do is support his choices.'  
  
'He can't protect himself.' Jongin continues to stubbornly argue, gaze hard. In all years of their friendship, he cannot recall a truly tense moment like this one. 'He has barely recovered from his accident. He's already fragile as it is. All of this is new to him, I don't want him to withdraw like he did before.'  
  
'He's not going to. It's always a risk to trust somebody, but don't you see how strong Junmyeon has become? He's capable of taking care of himself, Jongin, and you of all people should believe that. Wasn't the whole point of moving here for him to become more independent? And he has. But now seeing you like this, still keeping him under some sort of protective watch... I'm beginning to believe that the problem is not Junmyeon's condition or me having feelings for him - it's the fact that you still haven't dealt with the guilt of your brother's accident.'  
  
'You... you have feelings for my brother?' Jongin chokes out almost inaudibly, completely disregarding anything else that's been said about him. Sehun's bold confession takes the other by complete surprise.  
  
'Of course I do. I'm not a person who has time or will to mess around. That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it? I love Junmyeon and I want to support him in whatever he chooses for himself. If he turns to me for help, I'll be happy to bring him the stars and the moon combined, but I can't make him do anything. It is neither mine nor your job, Jongin. We can only stand by him. And anyway, I wouldn't want him to be with me because he thinks that he needs me - I would want him to choose me because he wants me.'  
  
There is a soft thud on the corridor and both men turn around towards the door, only to see Junmyeon, whose intention was to back away quietly; it is, however, ruined by his running into a little table standing against the wall. He softly groans in pain, before stilling, having realised by the silence that he must have been spotted.  
  
'I just.... you were taking so long that I just...' He whispers to no one in particular, rooted to the spot. Jongin is the first to move and help his older brother.   
  
'Hyung.' He is half way to the door when Junmyeon's raised hand silences him.   
  
'Jongin, could you, please, leave Sehun and I alone for a moment?' The older's voice is quiet, but firm.  
  
'You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, hyung. We were just talking between us, don't take it to heart. Sehun was just teasing me, so-'  
  
'Get out, Jongin. Get out now.' Junmyeon interrupts his younger brother, not caring if he sounds rude at this point. Jongin 's eyes widen a bit, clearly not used to the harsh treatment, but he eventually obeys; however, not without one last warning glance at his best friend.  
  
Junmyeon waits a moment, listening to any sounds that would indicate that Jongin is still around, before entering his bedroom and cautiously closing the door behind himself. Despite the couple moths that he's been occupying the flat, he has yet to get used to the oval shape of their doorknobs.   
  
'You're not going to say anything?' The older finally asks, tired of the tension hanging in the air between them. Sehun's presence would be undetectable, if not for the light breathing. He doesn't seem to be agitated at all, which paradoxically makes Junmyeon even more uneasy. He doesn't know what he finds more offensive - the overheard confession or the fact that the younger doesn't seem to be apologetic about it.   
  
'You weren't meant to hear that now.' Sehun offers cautiously.  
  
'That's it?' Junmyeon scoffs, unaware of the curious gaze on him.  
  
'What do you want me to say? Do you want me to apologise? For having feelings for you? Did you honestly not suspect me to? Don't feign ignorance, Junmyeon, it's not becoming.'  
  
'You can't have feelings for me, Sehun. I solemnly forbid you.' Sehun laughs at the statement, albeit a bit sourly.  
  
'You can't forbid me from having feelings. You can reject them, but you can't erase them.' Junmyeon sighs at that. They stay silent for a few moments, Sehun clearly in no rush for any further explanations.   
  
'Sehun, you- you-...' Junmyeon's voice fails him, his facial expression anxious.  
  
'What about me? I deserve better, because you can't see? I'm confused because we spend a lot of time together? I'm confusing love with pity?' Sehun's voice is neuter, bored even, as if he were reciting a rehearsed speech; one that he had practiced too often and became impatient with.  
  
'Probably all of the above.' Junmyeon admits after a moment of thought, having sat down on the nearby chair heavily. He hears the younger’s footsteps approaching him, stopping a at a comfortable distance.   
  
'I knew that you would say so. I knew that you would have a million reasons, and that’s why I also had to think about all of them. Because I know you and I know what you think about yourself. I know that a couple of months in a centre for visually impaired won't solve the real problem. Far from it. It may have helped you regain some of your self confidence, but they real problem lies in your perception of yourself.' Junmyeon feels a soft encouraging touch on his knee. Sehun has knelt down in front on him to see his face properly, which makes Junmyeon recoil even more. 'You and Jongin.... you're both the same. You're both scared out of your minds. You've stopped believing that anything good can happen to you, or if it does, that it can last. It's understandable; after all, you've lost a lot in that fire.'  
  
'No, you don't understand-' Junmyeon's protests are quickly, but calmly interrupted.  
  
'But I do. You feel insecure and you don't believe that anyone would find you worthy of their interest, because you yourself don't feel so. And Jongin... He feels guilty for what has happened to you, so he foolishly tries to protect you not only from me, but from anyone that would come too close. So you don't feel any more pain that you are already in. He punishes himself to the point of turning down possible love prospects because if you are suffering, why should he be happy? It's a vicious circle.'  
  
'When did he... did he really do that?' Junmyeon's voice falters at the words.  
  
'He loves you too much, Junmyeon. He wants to protect you from the life itself, because that way both you and him can continue living in this comfortably numb bubble that you have created around you, where all you have to deal with is the pain that you already know. That way he also has an excuse not to go out and face the world like he's supposed to. Well, newsflash - life is not always happy and it's not always fair. Even those that haven't lost as much as you have, still have their own trouble.'  
  
'I don't want Jongin to be unhappy because of me.' The older sighs, new found anger and helplessness bubbling within himself.  
  
'If you give yourself a chance, he will too. He's always looked up to you, I see it now, just how much he dotes on you. And I... I love the Junmyeon that smiles sweetly when he's embarrassed, and sometimes even jokes around when he feels comfortable enough. The one that tells me what's on his mind, whether it's cheerful or daunting. Even the Junmyeon that cries without inhabitations. The one that I don't want is who lets his life slip away because he's too scared to do anything about it. I don't want him, but I will still accept that part of him. I know that it takes time to heal, but to heal means to let yourself be open to both happiness and sadness. Otherwise you're just stuck in the same old depressing limbo.'

Junmyeon takes a few moments before he manages to collect himself.  
  
'You said that I wasn't meant to hear this confession now, does it mean that you were still planning on giving me this lecture later on?' Sehun laughs at the coy words. Junmyeon doesn't sound nearly as upset as at the beginning of their conversation.  
  
'I was naively hoping that you would just fall into my arms and I wouldn't have to, but that's all right. I'm nothing if not patient. You have a lot going on right now, a lot to get used to; it was not my intention to burden you even further. But maybe it's better that you've learnt about my feelings now.  This way when you're ready, you can give me your answer whatever it might be. I'm a big boy, I can take rejection, but I'd rather that you reject me because you don't find me attractive than because you are afraid to take that step.'  
  
Junmyeon cannot say anything to that. The lack of constraint with which Sehun is voicing out his own feelings and discussing the older's deepest fears renders the latter nearly speechless. It is all true, though; of course that he's been afraid. Becoming attached created possibilities of being rejected or losing the object of his attachment and Junmyeon is in a place where letting in even one such thought means that they will eventually consume him whole.   
  
'How would I not find a person like you attractive..?' Junmyeon stupidly mumbles the first thing that is on his mind, or maybe which is the easiest to deal with. He mumbles it more to himself actually, but the other catches it anyway. He only snorts.  
  
'Please. Had we met in any other circumstances, you wouldn't have given me the time of day. I'm the most boring person that I know.' It is Junmyeon's turn to scoff lightly, but he soon turns serious, nervously gnawing at his lower lip.  
  
'Could we, maybe... take it slow for now? I really cannot handle anything more than I'm already dealing with. Even something as simple as getting out of bed everyday still proves to be a struggle sometimes, but... it's a bit easier when you're there for me. I don't know what that means, or even if it means anything. But I want you to be there for me. I know that I'm being selfish.' He admits, his expression twisting into one of shame and pain.  
  
'Not at all. I've been here for you, not expecting anything in return and I'm planning on remaining by your side as long as you want me to. Just know that as long as you don't love yourself, nobody will be able to. You and Jongin have suffered enough. Don't you think it's time to give life a chance again?'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongin never really fully learns the contents of the conversation between Sehun and his hyung. Nobody screamed and nobody broke plates, and that is all that he has to reassure himself that things are civil between the two. He knows Junmyeon and he can only guess that the older didn't take the accidental confession well. Jongin himself doesn't want Sehun around his hyung anymore, in his opinion understandably so. Sehun is Jongin's closest and most reliable friend, but the latter generally doesn't trust anyone with Junmyeon; these days, not even himself. He has seen his brother at his lowest and he doesn't think that he can take looking at Junmyeon suffer again. Right now is good. Good enough. Right now is comfortable.  
  
Jongin is fully prepared to fend Sehun off should his hyung need him to. What he isn't prepared for is to come back home one afternoon only to see Junmyeon and Sehun bent over a book, quietly laughing.   
  
'What about this?' Sehun asks, guiding the older's palm towards a particular sentence. Junmyeon laughs again.  
  
'Where did you get this from?'  
  
'It's funny? Let me see.' Sehun places his own finger tips over the page, gently moving the other's hand to the side. He makes an expression of deep concentration. 'He accidentally bumped into a... grave? What?'  
  
'Almost.' Junmyeon laughs again, albeit not maliciously. 'He bumped into a maid.'  
  
'Right! A maid.' Sehun agrees, looking mildly embarrassed, but still pleased that he has managed to make Junmyeon smile. 'Ah, I give up.'  
  
'Oh, come on. You're getting better. I've taken up that vocational course at the centre, so you owe me, Mister. You're doing well.'  
  
'What are you guys doing?' Jongin decides that he has had enough of the spectacle in front of him and lets his presence at the door known. Jongin and Sehun haven't had much time to spend together recently, and it also seems like each one needs space to clear up their heads. As a consequence, they have become slightly awkward around one another and Jongin knows that it will last as long as he remains unaware of Junmyeon's feelings towards his friend. Jongin thought that he had it all figured out - he saw his brother's initial reaction to Sehun's confession - but when the two eventually left the room that afternoon, neither looked nearly as shook as Jongin assumed they would be.   
  
And now they are getting cosy, learning Braille together like nothing has happened.  
  
'You're back.' Junmyeon raises his head, smiling in the general direction of the door.    
  
'Have you eaten yet, hyung?'   
  
'I’ve been waiting for you. I haven't seen you properly this week.'  
  
'I'm sorry. The work has been killing me. I'll set the table.'  
  
'I should get going.' Sehun announces abruptly, getting up from the sofa.  
  
'Nonsense. You can stay for dinner.' Junmyeon frowns, but Sehun rejects once again, shaking his head for good measure.  
  
'I'll see you tomorrow. I still have to get back to the office for a bit.'  
  
'You've fought with Jongin, haven't you? About me. You can tell me the truth.' The older intends it to be a whisper between himself and Sehun, but Jongin overhears it anyway, because the kitchen area isn't nearly as secluded as they would wish for it to be. He also doesn't miss the way Sehun intertwines his and Junmyeon's fingers, giving the older a light squeeze of reassurance. And the fact that Junmyeon lets him.  
  
'It's nothing, really. I think we all just need some time to figure things out. Once he's faced his own demons, he'll come around. I'm still his friend.' Sehun looks up to catch Jongin's gaze from across the room so suddenly, that the latter has no time to look away. He must have realised that Jongin is listening. The younger Kim has been caught eves dropping but he still holds his friend's gaze, feeling himself become red in the face. Sehun gives him a tight, albeit sincere, smile and leaves.  
  
'So you and Sehun, huh?' He cannot help but remark as soon as Junmyeon sits at the table.  
  
'So Sehun and I what?' Junmyeon echoes, picking up his fork.  
  
'Sehun and you are, you know. Dating.' The embarrassment is easily detectable in the younger's voice.   
  
'We are going to get married next week. He's brought me the ring this afternoon.' Junmyeon says with a straight face and Jongin chokes, half of his mouth's content finding itself on the table cloth. He looks away in disgust at his own action.  
  
'What?!'   
  
'Jongin, relax. I'm just joking.' The amused smirk on his hyung's lips is something foreign and nearly feels like a product of Jongin’s own imagination, the way it is quickly replaced by a more solemn expression. 'Until recently I couldn't even decide what to eat for breakfast without consulting you. Do you really think that I would go behind your back and get engaged?'  
  
'No, but you could start seeing him. Ever since Sehun entered your life, you've been changing.'  
  
'Is that a bad thing?' Junmyeon inquires quietly after a while. Jongin shrugs, feeling bad for saddening the other.  
  
'I don't know. I'm just not used to seeing you like this. Laughing, joking. It's not bad, it's just... different. It's been so long, hyung. I'm scared that it will stop as abruptly as it’s started. I don't want to see you in pain again.'  
  
'You don't trust Sehun.'  
  
'It's not that. I trust that he wants the best for you, but he might hurt you and he won't be able to help it. He just can't control everything.'  
  
'And neither can you.'  
  
'Huh?' Jongin stills at the words, confused.  
  
'Neither can you, Jongin.' Junmyeon repeats, this time with more conviction. 'You can also hurt me, without meaning to.'  
  
'But-'  
  
'And I can hurt you back, even if I don't want to. You want to know what Sehun told me that afternoon that you guys fought, don’t you? He told me that he thought you and I used each other as an excuse to hide behind. That we didn't want to go out there and face the world. What do you think, Jongin?'   
  
Jongin wants to deny, he wants to call it absurd and to object to everything just on principle, but he thinks better of it. Having given it a moment of thought, he looks at his hyung.  
  
'Are you saying that you want to date Sehun and that I should just piss off?' It has been quite time since he used foul language with Junmyeon. Usually he is too scared to upset the older.   
  
'…Pretty much.' There is a moment of silence before they both burst out laughing and don’t stop for a long while. Junmyeon's mouth still twitches as he eventually tries to compose himself. 'In all honesty, though, it's not about him. It's about us. I don't like hearing from others that you turn down dates and use me as an excuse. I don't want to be anyone's charity case. I'm thankful for all you've done for me since my accident, but I guess it's time that I became your older brother again.'  
  
'Hyung...' Jongin  starts unsure, biting his lower lip worriedly.   
  
'I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I can't see but it's not the end of the world, so let stop behaving as if it was. I'm trying hard to sort out my life and adjust it to the card that life has dealt for me. I know that I'm going to get hurt and I'm going to make mistakes, but that's life, and not just mine. So give me some space… what do you say?'  
  
'I never wanted to make you uncomfortable.' Jongin admits sullenly.  
  
'You never did. You coddled me when I needed it, but we've both changed since we arrived in the city and I'm ready to embrace it. And I want you to go out there and do the same. Live a little. Call the cute volunteer from the centre who has been dying to hear from you since the last time you stood him up.'  
  
'How did you..?!' Jongin splutters, reddening instantly.   
  
'I might not be able to see, but my hearing is exceptional.' Junmyeon laughs. 'Call Sehun while you're at it and make up with him as well. Don't punish him for trying to shake some sense into us.'  
  
'But you do like him, don't you?' Jongin asks, still suspicious.  
  
'I'm going to focus on myself first. And he said that he was okay with that. When the time comes, I'll decide if I'm ready to take that next step with anyone.'  
  
'Well, then. I guess. Seriously, though. I've been his friend for a long time and the guy can be so disgusting and crass sometimes. And his room at uni used to be so filthy. He literally only bothers to clean up now because he wants to impress you. Once he's put a ring on it, you'll have to pick up all his dirty socks from the floor. The guy's impossible.'  
  
'I'm sure he will appreciate all the good words you're putting in for him.' Junmyeon's mouth twitches in mirth again. 'Go and call him if you're done eating.'  
  
'I'll help you.' Jongin offers, trying to take the plates out of his hyung's hands but Junmyeon stops him with a stern:  
  
'I can handle it. What I want you to do is to call your best friend, patch things up over a very alcoholic beverage and not come back home until early hours of the morning.'  
  
A few seconds of silence pass, during which bewildered Jongin tries to processed what he’s just heard, before he eventually puts away the plates and hugs Junmyeon tightly.  
  
'You're the best, hyung. And we'll be alright.'  
  
'I know we will.' Junmyeon smiles, his hug just as fierce.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'So... do you remember how you once said that you considered yourself boring?'   
  
It is early summer nearly seven months later when Sehun suggests an overnight trip to his family estate up north, some two hours away from the capital. Junmyeon, who's recently found employment in the administration of the centre that he's been attending - along with his good friend Yixing, who remains as positive as ever and Junmyeon thinks that some of that positivity is actually rubbing off on him - easily agrees to take the Friday afternoon off. Jongin and Kyungsoo, his lover of six months, don't need to be asked twice to join and soon enough, the four of them find themselves at the river bank, enjoying the contents of a picnic basket. After the late lunch, Jongin and Kyungsoo take advantage of the heat and jump straight into the water, swimming and laughing side by side, gradually disappearing somewhere in the background.   
  
'I think that nothing's really changed in that department. Why do you ask?' Sehun leans in slightly, shifting his attention from the landscape in front of him to the man seated to his right.  
  
'I just thought that if you were still up for it.... we could be boring together some time. Perhaps over dinner one evening.'  
  
Sehun's eyes widen in surprise, looking at Junmyeon in slight disbelief. It has been so many months since the last time he brought up his feelings for the older than he has almost managed to convince himself that he is comfortable the way that things are between them now.   
  
'Really?' He asks. When he spots a shy smirk playing on Junmyeon's lips, he allows himself a small smile of his own.  
  
'Yeah. If you want… Maybe.' Junmyeon never once faces him while speaking, but Sehun knew that the older's attention is on him. The younger slowly lifts his hand and covers Junmyeon’s, intertwining their fingers in the process. He smiles wider, before turning back to the sunset ahead of him.  
  
'Yeah.. Maybe.'

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from K.Will's song Lay Back. The lyrics are not exactly related but it set the mood for me to write the fiction.


End file.
